Bits o' script

INT. NIGHT. DANTES APARTMENT. THE KITCHEN

DANTE walks into the kitchen and finds ZANE and APRIL playing a drinking game. They're both dressed for the evening. APRIL is in a tight t-shirt adorned with an obscure band and skinny jeans. She looks fantastic if you're into chubby hipsters. ZANE is wearing a pressed track jacket with a comic book t-shirt underneath. ZANE is chugging beer, while APRIL holds a deck of cards and laughs.

APRIL

Drink up, bitch!

ZANE

(Stops drinking, and gasps before speaking)

Don't call me a bitch! I'm a grown man!

APRIL

(Noticing DANTE)

What up, Dante? You gotta change shirts and catch up.

ZANE

Yeah, get up ins, man so I'm not the only one obliterated by this random bullshit drinking game.

APRIL

Shut it. All's fair in shots and binge drinking.

DANTE

(The gravity of his inane bet weighing on him. Beat)

I have to have sex with 47 women in a year.

ZANE

(Stops chugging)

Say word?

APRIL

What?

DANTE

I made a stupid bet at work. I have to have sex with 47 women in a year to prove my superiority over this dude in his mid-30s who wears heelies to work.

DANTE (VOICE OVER)

Damn. Speaking that aloud does not make it any less ridiculous.

ZANE and APRIL look at each other for a moment before bursting out into raucous laughter.

ZANE

Do they need to be awake and or willing?

APRIL

How is that gonna be remotely possible for you? You haven't gotten laid since I've lived here. Have you even been on a date?

DANTE

Yes!

INT. NIGHT. DANTES ROOM. FLASHBACK

DANTE leads a relatively attractive woman into his room after their date. He turns on the light, and his room is a mess. Nerd posters adorn the wall and books and video games are strewn haphazardly about the floor. His closet looks as if it's vomited out its contents onto the bedroom floor.

DANTE and the relatively attractive woman stand at the entrance to the room in silence for several moments.

WOMAN

... I'm out.

The woman turns on her heels and leaves. DANTE stands in the doorway for a few more beats, looking dumbfounded. DANTE turns off the light.

INT. NIGHT. DANTES APARTMENT. THE KITCHEN. PRESENT.

APRIL and ZANE are listening and sipping their respective beverages. DANTE is drinking while finishing his story.

DANTE

...But since then... I've taken down the posters.

"Words, words, words!"

The title of this blog entry? Oh, that's Shakespeare! It's also the name of a play about three monkeys and three typewriters.

I'm wrestling with my own words at the moment. The screenplay is coming along, slowly but surely. I often say that the hardest part of writing is actually sitting down to write. And it sounds rudimentary; almost condescending, BUT THAT SHIT IS HARD! It's so easy to refresh Twitter, or watch Hulu or do Google Image searches for Amanda Bynes Nipple Slips (of which there are none, don't even waste your time. Unless you find some, then please hook a brutha up), but that's not going to get a screenplay written.

Now, I'm by no means an expert on writing. I'm no Tyler Perry. But, I've found a few tricks that help me get back on track whenever I find my mind wandering.

• WASH YA ASS!- I can't stress how much this makes a difference in your work output. If you're going to spend your day writing, do not just roll out of bed and onto the computer. Treat it like a work day. Try and get something to eat, scrub your loins, put on grown people clothes (read: NOT pajama bottoms and that free t-shirt you won at bar trivia) and then set yourself up for at least five hours of writing and research. Take yourself seriously, and subconsciously, you'll be more serious about your writing.
• PUSH THROUGH THAT FIRST DRAFT- You already know the story you want to tell. You've got your themes, character arcs and conflicts. It's all clear and up in your melon. I say, get that shit out of your dome and onto paper as soon as possible. That means hammering out a first draft just as fast as your little fingers will type. Don't over-think and re-think. I believe that's what slows down the process. Trust yourself. The story is good, or at least you think it's good enough to write. So trust your instincts and get things down as soon as possible.
• Critiquers Gonna Critique- Learn to differentiate between hatin' ass haters and constructive criticism. You should have people critiquing your work. A critical, outside eye is the difference between that weird dream that only you would find interesting and a consumable intellectual property for a wider audience. But, not everything in the critique is going to be helpful. I would even go so far as to say that about 20% of any critque is bullshit. It's either an attempt to flex intellectual superiority by nitpicking or sugar-coating to pad out a cursory reading. Either way, learn to glean the useful bits and throw up two-fingers to the rest.

And that's how I gets down. As a matter of fact, let me post a small piece of the screenplay. Critique if you'd like, but please see the above bullet point list. Particularly that last one. And also review the Amanda Bynes Nipple Slip quandary. Ya know... Because it'll help my writing.

The One Where I Talk About What I'm Trying To Do

I'm making a movie.

Or that's the plan, at least. And I'm gonna blog about it. To keep me honest and focused.

Do I have money or a crew or a completed script or a clue? No, I don't have any of that. I've got some books on independent film production, experience/training in acting and writing, $2.37 and a box of Mike 'n Ikes.

And I know what you'd ask me, if you were here in my sparse Chicago apartment with me right now:

"What makes you think YOU can make a movie? And can I have some of them Mike 'N Ikes?"

Well, hater, I've got an idea (or two or three) for a story that just won't leave me alone. It's crawled all up inside of me and if I don't get it out, I'm going to uppercut an infant. I've also got some experience in film production. I've written two screenplays, and worked on several productions in many different capacities. Some of you might even remember me attempting something like this a few years back. It was relatively successful, until it wasn't. So, I guess I know a LITTLE about what I'm doing. I have a pretty clear vision, and I have no problem conveying that to others, which will make the whole "collaboration" part of this process a helluva lot easier. I also have a belly full of gumption and moxie; two things that are grossly underrated in our culture. Plus, I really believe I can do it. And that's probably like, nine-tenths of the battle right there.

And no, you can't have no Mike 'N Ikes. You forever eat up all the red ones.